The Myth of the Sexual Conquest-A Patriarchal Fairy Tale

This morning I was musing over the fact that we have bought Hook Line and Sinker...the patriarchal load of BULLSHIT that is referred to as the "sexual conquest"

By we I mean both women AND men!

Ladies, Sistahs, Mommas! Come on now! How could it be possible that man's penis inside us means that he somehow conquered us? Is it the penis' similarity to a sword , a gun or other weapons of conquest? Because any Grown Woman know that being made love to does not equal being conquered! We all know that we gone get up from that same bed and do whatever the hell it is we wanted to do before the loving began!

Futhermore...do we feel conquered by a penis? Rarely! Hell sometimes we don't even feel satisfied by it much less CONQUERED. I mean coitus has to be the time in which our female superiority complex is most often and best exhibited...how many times are we lying there thinking "aww hell is THAT all he's got" or "shit, I chose him because he looked like he knew how to put it down" or for the size mavins like myself "you mean he has all of that and doesn't know what do to with it!?"

Seriously, even when the loving is good, I rest assured in the undisputed fact that I can ALWAYS make him come and he may or may not be able to do the same for me

Not the thought process of one who is being conquered...I assure you

Brothas...!
How often are you putting it down and feeling as if you have conquered this woman? I mean true you have been socialized to believe that her cooch is some kind of commodity you have to work and pay for, before you are even allowed to sniff its goodness...BUT aside from that...how many times are you all up in her and thinking YES I have gotten the best of her...it seems to me that most of your time is spent concentrating on not exploding inside her juicy goodness!

Not the posture or the thought process of a conqueror!

I truly believe that if we cast this nonsensical belief in conquering and being conquered in the sexual realm to the side, to the rubbish heap where it belongs...we will be closer to being able to be about the business of building actual relationships...of truly getting to know one another and moving past feeling as if we have outwitted someone or have been outwitted because we shared ourselves physically...

That's just my two cents

Everything is Interconnected

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Many of us like to talk and pontificate about "making a change" here are some ACTUAL ways we can DO SOMETHING to help others

Womanspirit Epiphany-Validation of My Own GoddessSelf

Right now I unfortunately find myself in the midst of a painful break up
As is often the case between men and women, I am being told that my perception of things within the relationship is “off”
That what I think I am seeing is not actually what is happening
That I am misjudging , miscalculating, miscomputing the ENTIRE situation
These accusations, although coming from my former significant other, are the voice of my own fears
I am wondering every minute every second, if I am making the right decision, am I being too harsh, am I seeing something that is actually not there
Am I fooling myself?
Today…I performed a ritual that was prescribed for me at the behest of the Ifa oracle
This is one of the principle oracles of my faith-the spiritual tradition of the Yoruba people of Nigeria
While performing the ritual, I symbolically washed and fed the sacred implements that represent my own personal destiny
AND
I received clarity and overstanding
I said to My Self
“It is true, I may be perceiving what I am seeing wrongly, I may be misjudging or prejudging or misunderstanding
BUT
For right now
I am going to believe my own eyes
AND
If in fact I am wrong
I am going to trust that the Wombniverse will show me the error of my ways
Because my intentions are good and pure
And my eyes and ears and heart have no reason to lie to me
So until I receive some more definitive information, until I have proof that I am wrong I am going to work with my measly five senses
And I will wait and be open to a deeper, higher sign that I need to re-think, re-do or re-work my perceptions
But up until I receive that higher sign
I am going to believe my eyes”
This powerful epiphany has given me peace in the midst of this cyclone of hurt
It is allowing me to breathe freely
And it has quieted the constant chatter of questions back and forth in my mind
It has silenced the “what if”
I am once again empowered
And
Free
Ashe Ashe AsheOOO!

Catch Phrases of the Kingdom Of Niggahdom

In truth there is but one obstacle to Women of color being
Full & Whole & Complete
In this time, in this space, right now , today
This particular obstacle is deeply entrenched and intensely subscribed to throughout all facets of our society in this day and time
Its origins are the first Aryan invaders who came from the frigid North with the intent of destroying the Matriarchies in Ancient Times
BUT
It found its steam in the communities of the worlds majority peoples-the black, the brown, the red peoples of the world-when it was fueled by colonialism, imperialism, enslavement, and capitalism
It was through these evils that it permeated our once peaceful and loving and gynocentric communities
AND
It has been here every since…controlling abusing and oppressing women, womanspirit, and femininity at every turn
This obstacle has been aptly deemed by SistahGoddesses Cynthia & Dia
The Kingdom Of Niggahdom
The Kingdom of Niggahdom and MORE IMPORTANTLY our acceptance of it, our belief in it, and our addiction to it is our
MOST FORMIDABLE obstacle, MOST PERVASIVE stumbling block
I declare that the Kingdom of Niggahdom to be the NEMESIS and ARCHENEMY of free women of color far and wide
Its thread is woven throughout our daily lives to such a degree that it is often difficult to recognize and almost impossible to diagnose
The Kingdom of Niggahdom is accepted as “just how it is” in our lives, in our relationships, in our day to day walks
It is the Goliath we MUST slay for our freedom, our sanity, our wholeness, our completion…it is the bramble we must trod through to obtain our bliss
And by these words you shall know it…by the phrases you shall realize that you are being oppressed by it…by these utterances you shall uncover it

“You so insecure-you are trying to destroy me- you don’t know your place-you always bringing up the past- you are blowing this out of proportion-you have taken my words out of context-you have a persecution complex-you like being the victim-you are childish-you are ugly-you are bad-you want somebody to beat your ass-you are too sensitive-“your love is too thick” (c. Toni Morrison’s Beloved)-you don’t know how to love nobody-I thought you were a different kind of woman, but you are just like every other woman, I thought you were the one but I guess I was wrong-you will never be anything without me-you are nothing without me-where would go if you left me-you can’t leave me- you don’t know what you talking about-you crazy-you can’t prove that-nobody will believe you-nobody loves you-I can see why you are by yourself-I didn’t pay attention to what you were saying because it was just crazy woman stuff-it must be your time of the month-It Ain’t Mine- How Do You Know Its Mine-don’t let your PMS have you making crazy decisions-your house your kids your bills-only greedy women ask for child support-you don’t respect me as a man- you cannot fuck but can we fuck-you cannot give head but can I have some-you better be there when I get home-I don’t know how you gone take care of that baby, figure that shit out-have my house clean when I get home-what you cook-I didn’t ever want to be married to no stupid bitch who couldn’t do nothing but have babies-whatchu mean you pregnant-so you think you gone sit up in my house and __________- I pay rent that means I can leave whenever I want to and come back whenever I want to –as long as I am paying the bills you cannot question me- stay outta grown men’s business-you run , throw, kick, fight like a girl-get over yourself-you aint all that- you aint that cute-why is my child sick, dirty, hungry, crying-you ain’t no kinda mama-maybe if you wasn’t always at the club you could stay at home and concentrate on your mothering (fr an incarcerated Niggah)-I didn’t hit you-whatchu gone buy me-shut the fuck up bitch-its because of women like you that we can’t get anywhere as a people-you didn’t come in all that time you need to have that checked out (fr a niggah with erectile dysfunction who is only able to last for 15 mins-semi soft)-God don’t recognize divorce you know-I don’t know how you got syphilis, gonorheaa, AIDS, crabs- she is my cousin-don’t nobody else want you-you are ridiculous-you letting your imagination get the best of you-I don’t eat pussy-I don’t kiss on the mouth-I didn’t fuck her she just gave me head-I fuck them but I make love to you-“you and girl ain’t speakin no more cause my dick all in her mouth” (c-Andre3000 of OutKast)-shut up the game is on-you getting fat-you done let yourself go (always fr fat sloppy niggahs)-damn she fine!-look at her ass!-aint nobody else ever complained about it-you gone have a baby out of wedlock-why you think you so special-I cain’t stand yo stupid ass”

I could go on but I will leave it at that
When you find yourself on the receiving end of one or more of these Niggahdom Catch Phrases rest assured that you are in the midst of a plot to oppress you, depress you and suck out all of your sweet, juicy goodness
Get Out, Run Away or Do not get in too deep-which is a slippery slope cause Niggahdom is addictive
The climate created by such speech is one of hatred, loneliness, and pain
You cannot flourish there
You can only be controlled and have your power and energy used and abused and then Thrown Back In Your Face as if you and your love is not worthy
This life is what is considered “normal” for most women of color-this is what we feel we have to accept because we have been convinced that we don’t deserve any better OR that there is nothing better out there
We are not living we are only surviving and that just barely
Our talents are being wasted
Our intuition is being cast aside as nonsense
And the Essence of Who and What we Are is being ridiculed
And it hurts, and we are damaged and torn and tired
And we have forgotten that we Hold The Power
And we have only to remove it
And
Everything
Will
Crumble

ILU BINRIN- The Town of Women

If we accept the oral history of our ancestors as fact there was once a place where women did not have to live in fear
There was once a space in time in which women took full responsiblity for their own lives and their own choices
In this space and place women did not allow others to control them, define them or catergorize them
In this place and space women did not compete with one another for the favor of men but instead united and used their collective magick to create
Beauty
Peace
Harmony
and
Absolute Divine Power
Here women did not hide themselves for fear of intimidating men
Here women did not censor themselves to protect men's egos
Here women did not cover their juicy parts so as not to be too provocative
Women in that time were deliberately provocative
Women in that time were adroit seductresses
They were attractive on purpose
And therefore they drew what they needed to themselves and repelled that which was destructive
According to the oral records of our ancestors, the women of this time and space were so powerful that even the deities ( called Orisha by our ancestors) were unable to control them, oppress them or punish them
The one orisha who garnered the respect of women in that time was....
The Munificent Mother, the Source, the Bringer of Love, Beauty and Harmony to the Physical Realm...
The One we call Yeye "Sweet Mother"
Oshun
The time in which this occurred was called the Time Before Time by our ancestors, or the Land of Beginnings
and the place was Ilu Binrin
The Town of Women